What are you sorry for?

It never ceases to surprise me when I’m talking to someone and I mention I’m adopted and their reaction is, “oh I’m sorry.” Uh what? What are you sorry for? Nothing was offensive? Well actually, now you’ve just made this incredibly uncomfortable and your assumption that being adopted is something you should apologize to me for, has actually backfired on you and now I am slightly offended. It truly is almost laughable to me when this is the response I receive. It quite honestly used to make me mad, but at this point I’ve sort of just learned to shrug it off and chalk it up to that people simply do not know how to respond appropriately to that topic. It is somewhat surprising to me however, that in this day in age people still have such a response. I don’t want people to tell me they’re sorry; I want to share with them my life and in turn hear theirs. Being adopted is probably the best thing that could have ever happened to me. Sure it has caused some bumps in the road for me and I’m sure it will cause more as I continue in life, but that doesn’t mean I wish it had never happened. I have no clue where my life would be had I not been taken into this amazing family. So please, don’t apologize. There is nothing for anyone to be sorry for. I love my life. 

xo,Lauren

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Triggers for the Adoptee

“You should be grateful you were adopted.”

Newsflash- we are grateful. BUT being grateful doesn’t mean forgetting. Just because I’m grateful for my adoptive parents and what they’ve done for me doesn’t mean that all the pain and things I’ve had to deal with just disappear. Believe me, I totally wish it worked like that. It’s unrealistic for people to expect adoptees to simply be grateful. For me, I don’t understand how in people’s minds having typical adoptee emotions equals ingratitude. I will never get that. Honestly, if someone could explain that logic to me, that’d be greatly appreciated. It’s just frustrating when you’re expressing these feelings of pain and grief to someone and they seem annoyed because “you should be grateful for your parents, they’re great parents.” YES my parents are great, (I know not everyone’s adoptive parents are) but no matter how great they are, doesn’t take away the emotional scarring. And I don’t know when having real feelings became the definition of ungrateful.

 

“Your mom’s not your real mom.”

WOAH WOAH WOAH. Pause right there. Care to explain to me what the definition of a “real” mom is? Because if you mean she’s not my biological mom, then you’re completely accurate. However, biological does not equal real. My adoptive mom is very much real. She is a living, breathing human being. True she did not give birth to me, but last I checked, giving birth is not the deciding factor on if you’re a mom or not. It’s kind of ignorant for people to say that to an adoptee. I mean, how are you supposed to respond to that? You really don’t… I know that my mom is my mom and she is as real as it gets. She provides me with everything I need and more, loves me unconditionally, and supports me in all that I do. I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a mom to me. She didn’t need to go through pregnancy and birth to become a mom. She took an untraditional route to motherhood, but she embraced it and it really doesn’t matter what path you take to get to that point.

 

“Do you know anything about your family?”

This is a question that I probably get asked most frequently when the subject of me being adopted comes up. It isn’t so much of an offensive question as it just stirs up a lot of emotion for me most of the time. For me, this can be an extremely sensitive subject. I know that for some people, talking about their story can generally be an easier thing for them than others. There are times where I feel empowered and times where, well, I don’t. Some people really just know more about their biological families than others do and that can be a very difficult topic. It is extremely hard when you don’t know information about your family. I mean, they’re YOUR FAMILY for cryin’ out loud. It’s the unknown that can be the worst.

 

Medical Questions:

Along the same lines as the previous trigger, when you go to the doctors for something and to try to figure out what’s wrong they ask you about your family history, and you got nothing. There is nothing more frustrating especially because you are also trying to figure out what could be wrong along with remembering that you really don’t have any medical information on your biological family.

Ancestry Projects:

And right along with medical questions we have ancestry projects. These provoke the same kind of unknown frustration and stream of emotions.

 

Birthdays & Holidays:

Birthdays and holidays drive me nuts and they always have. I was never sure why I hated my birthday or why I always seemed slightly sad around holidays despite the fact that I love them. I realized only recently that it was because I felt that something was missing. Now I know that it was because I felt that my biological family should be there to celebrate these things with me, but they aren’t. But, realizing that now I hope I can move on from that.

These are just some of the things that for me have triggered a lot of emotion, but that doesnt mean it happens for every adoptee out there.

xo, Lauren

A Good Reminder ☀️

  

For me, this can be really hard to remember and actually do. Having all of these adoption emotions can make me feel extremely self conscious and that translates into me not necessarily “owning who I am.” But, it is incredibly helpful and important thing to learn how to do. Those days when you really feel confident in who you are and your story are usually the best. It’s difficult, but worth learning how to do. I really believe it’s a lifelong journey to figure that out, and I for sure am nowhere near learning it completely, but I’m certainly trying. Sure, some days are better than others and there are some really hard days, but it’s important to keep owning you. Love who you are and how you became who you are. 

xo, Lauren

Why am I doing this?

You might be asking yourself, what is this blog about and why is it being written? Well, I’m here to tell you exactly that. I am an adoptee. That is, I am an adopted child. Honestly, that can be one of the hardest things to say out loud, but I’m saying it nonetheless. Because this can be such a hard and emotional thing to think and talk about, I have looked for support out there. The sad thing is that when I googled “adoptee support groups” there really weren’t any. In fact, all of the support outlets that popped up were for adoptive parents. Of course I agree that adoptive parents need support groups, but that doesn’t mean that the adopted children don’t. It was extremely disappointing that there is such a lack of support out there for children that have been adopted. I mean, this is a huge thing and having an outlet is so so so important. So, I decided that I wasn’t going to be passive about it anymore. Instead, I made the decision to start this blog, share my thoughts, and hopefully make a difference to someone somewhere. This is a dream of mine and I can’t wait to see where this takes me.

xo, Lauren