To anyone I know now, or will meet in the future, we could be great friends. You may think we are the best of friends and feel that you could tell me anything. But, I want you to know that that does not necessarily mean I feel the same way. I promise you it’s not personal (most of the time) and you did not offend me in any way. Don’t feel insecure and think that I must really not want to be your friend and that you feel closer to me than I feel to you- that’s more than likely not true.
I promise you it’s probably not you. This is one of those times where “it’s not you, it’s me” actually applies. It really is me. My life circumstances have made me extremely cautious. I am very unlikely to trust anyone. There are very few people I actually trust.
Being adopted, almost immediately when my life began, I was predisposed to distrust. The one person you are supposed to be able to rely on is suddenly ripped away from you when you’ve built a relationship and bond with them for the past nine months. That is a defining moment in life. Okay, so what now? It’s almost as if as a baby I was like “okay well my number one person didn’t stick around, so I guess I cant trust anyone to truly love me, take care of me, or be there for me.” I didn’t realize I felt this way until more recently in my life (I’m almost 21 years old now), but looking back it was SO evident. I push people away or simply keep them at a distance. I truly, completely, trust virtually no one. I hope that one day that will change, but for now that’s who I am. I’m actively working on it so as not to completely isolate myself, but this is real. There’s nothing you can do to make me trust you more, it has to be something that I come to on my own.
Trust was broken very early on in my life and it may take a lifetime to rebuild it. So, don’t be offended if I don’t completely trust you. I want to, I just….can’t.