blah…

again, I’ve been gone for a while, but in my defense it’s because the craziness of a new school year was once again beginning. anyways, just thought I’d share how I’ve been feeling lately.

for the last little bit I have seemed to feel content and surrendered in the place that my situation is at right now. My bio brother had begun talking to me again back in March, but sadly that lasted only about a month with him once again falling of the face of the earth. However, this time I sent one long message detailing how I have felt. In the past I feel like I have almost sugar coated my feelings, but this message was 100% raw and real. I sent this message to his phone number I have (which may or may not still be accurate) as well as over Facebook. This gave me more of a sense of peace as I felt like I had finally laid it all out and the ball was in his court now. Of course, it has been challenging at times for sure and today is one of those more challenging days for me. I sent the message back in the beginning of August, nearly 2 months ago and I have heard nothing. And assuming the “last active” status on Facebook is accurate, he has seen that I have messaged him, but has not read it or replied. I know that he may not be in a place where he is ready to read what I have to say, but the pain is still real. I ache for a relationship with my older brother and to one day meet him. And sometimes, it feels like everyday that he does not reply, that dream gets further and further away. Also, for some reason, last night I thought it would be a good idea to read through my adoption file again. Clearly, I was not as prepared to read it again as I thought I was. Because of that and then also thinking about my brother, today is just one of those blah days. It is one of those more difficult days. I know that it won’t last, but for today, it stinks. Sorry to bring the mood down, but just keepin’ it real. 🤙🏼

xoxo, Lauren

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